X Y Communications
By now it is my sincere hope that you are making your OWN decisions with regard to dating multiple women at once versus selecting a steady girlfriend.
After all the truth is that how you conduct your dating life is your business and there is no valid reasoning to support slapping a value judgment on how you do so. And yeah I realize that doesnt stop the mainstream dating advice crowd from telling you one thing and the PUA bootcampers from telling you the exact oppositeas if each respective sides mutually exclusive viewpoint was absolute.
Youd think theres no middle ground.
And really you never ever hear about how to handle any potential PROGRESSION from dating multiple women now to possibly selecting one for a more stable relationship later.
From what you read out there it really is made out to be an all or nothing deal. Youre told either to go sarging as much as possible and hopefully build a collection of HBs contact info or youre admonished to think more in terms of building a monogamous relationship from minute one. Walmart exclusive beebee guns costs
Well once again welcome to yet another newsletter about a topic youve likely NEVER EVER heard mentioned elsewhere.
To be sure Im not going to tell you IF you should have an exclusive girlfriend or not.
No pre-determined outcomes. No agendas.
Instead just straight talk on how to handle the decision to go unique with a certain womanor not.
Almost every day it seems I hear from guys who want to date lots of women but have found themselves in a steady relationship they never really asked for explicitly. Or I hear from guys with the opposite problem. They really want a great girlfriend and someone to build a future with but having focused on pickup techniques theyre left wanting when it comes to relationship management skills.
Well today Ive got your back on this issue.
Here in simple English are three UNACCEPTABLE reasons to make a woman your steady girlfriend followed logically by three OUTSTANDING reasons to go unique-
THREE UNACCEPTABLE REASONS TO GO Exclusive
1 Shes the only one youre dating anyway
OK. You feel as if you dont have any other options and dont see any on the immediate horizon. But you DO have a woman who actually seems to like you. Why not just make her your steady girlfriend Seems uncomplicated enough.
And indeed this is how things go for A LOT of guys out there. Id dare say the MAJORITY.
I thought about devoting an entire newsletter to the concept of how if ONE woman is wildly attracted to you it almost GUARANTEES that there would be others. And thats pretty much true.
Some guys truly are at ground zero when it comes to attraction and arent yet deserving what they want. But other guys are passively sleepwalking through life and only end up with a woman by default basically. Out of happenstance a guy may be introduced to a woman and end up on a first date with her. Date one turns into date two and so on until what were talking about here happens.
And whats next That nagging feeling of having SETTLED thats what.
If you can get one woman in your life you could theoretically have options if you summon the confidence to believe it. Apart from that you are operating from a position of very limited personal power.
2 She cajoled you more than others
You may actually have several women you are casually dating all of whom are interesting and interested. But often theres that one woman who levels the ultimatum on exclusivity a bit earlier and with decidedly more conviction than the others. Since shes so vocal about it and since you kind of like her you capitulate.
And capitulate is a profane word around here. It rhymes with settle.
For that matter if you look up capitulate in the dictionary itll probably say gave away all his power to a woman who lost all respect for him almost immediately after he caved in to her demands.
Careful here. Im NOT saying that any woman who wants an exclusive relationship with you should be denied categorically. I AM saying that you shouldnt kowtow to HER decision to be exclusiveespecially if its not YOUR decision also.
3 You feel like youve got to lock her down
Maybe you have some options but then the Worlds Hottest Woman shows up in your life. You have this OMG moment and start scrambling to make her your steady girlfriend because 1 Shes the most ridiculously sexy chick youve ever dated and youve got to make her yours and 2 if you dont youre afraid some other guy will.
First of all remember that if a high-quality woman shows up in your life thats to be treated as having RAISED THE BAR. Its not to be considered a stroke of luck. This is kind of a logical progression to the concept of having the ability to attract ONE begets the ability to attract MANY.
Indeed this woman is simply an indicator that you have earned the ability to attract a higher echelon of women. So continue the rational progression of seeing how well you two get along before getting serious please.
But more importantly here you are seriously damaging you own attractiveness here by jumping all over her. Remember getting kills wantingespecially if youre trying to hold onto her with a death grip very early on.
And most importantly umyou CANT lock another human being down dude. She can still leave you even if shes youre steady girlfriend.
THREE OUTSTANDING REASONS TO GO Unique
1 You know what you want in a woman
If you havent dated many women at all how do you know what you REALLY want If youve dated your share of high-quality women and youve had a chance to fine-tune exactly who it is youre looking for then youll be WAY better equipped to recognize her when she shows up in your life.
And if you find yourself in the mood to actually HAVE an exclusive relationship with her its probably because of the next point
2 Youve left no curiosity unanswered in the dating world
Here a truth thats about as simple as truth gets- If youre still interested in dating lots of women then you probably arent interested in choosing one of them from the mix at this point.
If you end up in a steady relationship under such circumstances youll probably end up with your nose pressed against the glass looking at greener pastures outside.
And this will be the case no matter how great your girlfriend is. After all you werent in the relationship state of mind just yet.
On the other hand what if youve been dating sixteen women at once and have grown tired of all the juggling
Lets say you narrowed that field down to four or five at that point. And after a while you then started realizing that you had met and enjoyed the company of lots of incredible women but were now thinking more about stability and long-term vision than you have in the past.
Its about then that you may realize that one woman on your list is by far your first choice. Were she available every night youd see her instead of the others.
Well that woman would be a GOOD choice for an exclusive relationship Id say. You will have selected her from many options and with a solid frame of mind.
3 You have tested and approved her ultimate worthiness
Even if you have a firm grasp on what runs your guns as far as women go and even if you have a pile of women in your life theres always the off chance that ones going to come along who flat-out knocks your socks off. The switch gets flipped and shes basically all you can think of.
Whoa there cowboy.
Youve been around the block to know that it takes sweet time to qualify a woman fully. Spend loads of time with her in common everyday situations. Mix it up some. Meet her friends and vice-versa. Go on that all-important road trip I talked about in a newsletter a couple of months ago.
Youve got to make sure you know that whats under the hood has the horsepower to back the sexy bodywork. Otherwise shes all show and no go. And true character takes time to show forth in its fullness.
Take your time and decide from a position of strength. And deserve what you want also because a great woman like her is probably as tuned in to reason as you are.
Youll notice that conspicuous by its absence from either list is because shes pregnant. Thats either the subject of a whole nother newsletter or something that needs to be handled on a case-by-case basis. Im still trying to figure out which it is for sure.
But either way guys the one thing is DO know for sure is that you have GOT to be a man who makes his own informed decisions in the dating world rather than being subject to the whim of someone else.
Scot McKay is a dating and relationship coach online dating consultant talk show host and founder of X Y Communications. He lives in San Antonio TX with his wife and co-conspirator Emily who he met online three kids and two hairless terriers.
Discover his down-to-earth approach to dating mating and relating at www.deservewhatyouwant.com and get a free e-book when you subscribe to his popular weekly newsletter.
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